The Open returns to Whangamata!

This years tourney was brought to us by the letter C

Covid
Cup
Cunt

All other words took a back seat.

If there is one thing about a golf weekend is the rich and amazing new things that one learns about the world and its bodily functions. In this instance the world of Jism has been laid clear,  explained and extrapolated on. The key takeaways are as follows:

- Its great for the skin
- Too much of it could make you fat
- Elephants probably have heaps of it
- Women would pay handsomely for gallons of it if they believed it could reduce the wrinkles on their face and slow the pace of visual ageing.
- The holy Jizzcinda most certainly agrees.

So it was and will be.

We also learnt that if you lock the boys down for 7 weeks of annoying their families and generally making greater nuisances of themselves than normal, they will come in hot to a golf weekend. So it came to pass that the Open Queenstown edition became the Open Whangamata incorporating the inaugural Covid Cup. Who would be first in what promises to be a long line of Covid Cunts?

FOMO dragged everybody in early on Friday. That and the deep insecurity of sharing a room with the fantastically shabby cunts that frequent such golfing gatherings. The predictable drinking and imbibing of whatever was at hand commenced. Raysan proving to be the most controversial of cunts by drinking fuck all and going to bed early that brought shame upon his house.

Day one proved karma was not going to put up with Raysan and his sober antics as the great man's strategy came apart and he was consumed by a tsunami of shit shots. Conversely Adi turned his 3am bedtime into 35 stabies to come home in 2nd place. Was this to be his year.

NO.

Anyhoo. Scott produced a tidy 36 stabies which under normal transmission (transmission not interfered with by bogus handicaps that yield stupid amounts of stabies. Not at all looking at anyone, particularly not looking at Pete or the Fuhrer) has always proven to be a good formula for winning the tourney.
The Seagull snuck into 3rd place with a 34 and nearly everyone else landed on 30 with Raysan and Mark looking strong Dildo Baggins contenders.

Saturday night was spent eating and imaging what the waitress from the Whangamata club looked like in the nude. The Fuhrer determined that it could only be established by a performance review of a completely different kind that was currently not best practice in his employment.

Post dinner and in a remarkable turn of events the boys all said their prayers and went to bed early.

FUCK OFF CUNT.

They did not and not only did they not they demonstrated even greater depths of shit to talk, cunts to cunt and general madness commonly associated with brain disorders. The Fuhrer and Adi taking the honours with an incredible 5am performance that demonstrated the kind of leadership that has Made the Open Great Again. (Editors note: MOGA hats boys, not in red, maybe in black)....

Day 2 commenced and everyone except Scott turned to shite. The top team managed 1 out of a possible 8 stabies on the first hole. The rest of the field didn't perform any better. Scott became a machine, casually grabbing 2 points from nearly every hole to finish comfortably at the head of the field and also to become the first ever winner of the Covid Cup. Its been many years since the most controversial man in the district won a tourney, but be afraid everyone, he's back and looks fucking problematic in the extreme. Scott is the Covid Cunt holder, I will be making page for that shortly, watch this space.


Wall of Shame.

- Adi and the Fuhrer. Seriously boys, 5am, the fuck, you are both needing a serious session with a counselling service....
- The early to bed total with fresh nappies and a powdered bottomed total cunt award goes to - Raysan.
- The crossing the line to steal a mans bed most outrageous move of the millennium goes to Nambassador and bed thieving cunt of the year - Shane
- The homeless cunt award for looking like a homeless cunt - The Seagull himself.
- The Dildo Baggins award for extreme shitness of golf is a tie - Ben and Raysan. Boys you are both the bottom of a deep pit of shite golf.

Cheers to Scott for organising things at warp speed and also for being a fucking good cunt at golf.
Cheers to Marty for accommodating the boys, made things easy as.
Cheers to the Fuhrer for taking the huge risk of allowing this crew of Tourettes laden cunts into his place of employment.