In a first for the event, an openly straight man pretending to be gay has prevailed.
In a result hailed by the rainbow community everywhere, Graeme Clarke (she/them) a part-time golfer and occasional obnoxious gay diner has stormed to victory at the Wellington iteration of golfs most open tourney.
In an age where diversity is everything, Graeme was quoted as saying “it felt inevitable that a man from the ‘straight men pretending to be gay community’ would lift the trophy eventually, this is a great day to pretend to be gay and help remove the stigma from this oft marginalised community of pretend gay guys”.
In a powerful demonstration of shit golf, Long Ball Jim Hall demonstrated a relentless inability to know where his ball actually went as he went full Dildo Baggins at Miramar. Darcy, the OG of shite golf hailed Jim for his lack of performance.
Wall of Shame
- The Michelin award for being a cunt at dinner award goes to Graeme
- The Emirates award for getting thrown out of the Business Class bar at 40000 feet goes to Parko
- The I’ve got a sore throat and you cunts better not forget it award goes to Adi
- The is that a chick clinging to you as they try and throw her out of a bar in Courtney Place award goes to the Fuhrer
- The Dildo Baggins award goes to Jim Hall
- The outstanding golf award goes to Graeme
Well organised Mitch, your ability to ignore the whiney cunts is epic.
Welcome to those of you who were playing their first Open, Jamie, James and Jim
NB: 2025 Open is in Dunedin. 3 rounds (best 2 count, must include Sunday).
